It's Safe to Relax and Have Fun

Every once in a while, when we feel nostalgia looming over us, my mom and I will bring out photo albums and this wooden jewelry box and go through it talking about stories from Cuba and those first days in Kentucky 

We had all the "normal" nostalgic things in that jewelry box of course, a hat my sister wore when she was born, a bag of hair from when I was 3 years old, some baby teeth, and even notes days after I was born recapping that eventful day 

My mom would tell me how it wasn’t the day any of them expected

There was a lot of running around and a lot of biking around

At some point the doctors were concerned about my mom’s low blood sugar so my dad went out on a mission to fix it the best way he knew how - with a papaya smoothie from a local food stand

He biked back and forth between the food stand and the hospital under the pouring rain just for the papaya smoothie to not have any sugar in it

So his mission ended up being longer than expected and somehow he ended up with a cup of sugar and another smoothie - this time it was mango - just to have some options

By the time he went back to the hospital, his hair and clothes were soaked, but his mission was complete

Growing up, I loved hearing about the rainy Tuesday I was born on especially when my birthday landed on another rainy day. It was a reason to celebrate even more

The rain never stopped any plans on my birthday

So you would think the same would apply to the other rainy days of the year, but when I was asked if I liked the rain, all I could think about were all the reasons why me and the rain didn’t get along 

It’s too cold

I don’t like the way it feels against my skin or clothes

Especially when I’m walking and step in a puddle and now I got wet socks

Or how you’re always rushing in the rain 

For me, rain came with an undercurrent of fear and anxiety, not relaxation 

And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense 

because growing up in a Cuban household in the United States whenever it rained everyone had to stay quiet, stay still 

you couldn’t shower while it was raining 

you couldn’t walk around without any shoes while it was raining 

and you definitely couldn’t whistle because if you whistled, you were attracting spirits 

For the longest time, I just accepted that a rainy day could not be a great day

The undercurrent of fear and anxiety was too strong

Then one one of those nostalgic days going through photo albums and jewelry boxes, my mom mentioned that a hurricane passed through Cuba 4 months before I was born

This small detail didn’t mean much in the moment, but later it was the missing puzzle piece. 

It turned out that it was never about the cold Kentucky drizzles

My family had lived through centuries of hurricanes passing through Cuba

Year after year, they would prepare before the storm

All the endless prayers, 

All the sleepless nights, 

With the wind blowing against the houses at such fast speeds, that at times it sounded like whistling 

All the fear and anxiety when it rained started making sense

But now we’re more than a 1,000 miles away from Cuba 

and in a land that thankfully doesn’t experience hurricane season but here we were unconsciously repeating the same behaviors, actions, and mindsets

We hadn’t stopped to look around and take in how much had changed and how many of the behaviors that helped us in the past could be let go now

Although that fear and anxiety helped us survive through the hurricane seasons of Cuba and much more, that fear and anxiety also made small inconveniences and challenges feel like the end of the world

If this fear and anxiety could take the joy out of rainy days just for being rainy days, where else was it showing up in my life and my family’s life?

So that’s why I’m choosing to let it go and live every day as if it was my birthday, where it’s safe for me to relax and have fun and enjoy the rain from now on.